An old timer is looking at some tools at the local building supply store, and picks up a hammer. “Don’t make these like they used to,” he tells the salesman. “I’ve had the same one for over fifty years. Just had to replace the handle six times and the head twice.”
Alex and Benny had been woodworking buddies for almost eighty years, and one day Alex speculated on the possibility of there being woodworking in heaven. Both agreed that whoever died first would come back and tell the other if there is. As it turned out, Benny died the next day. Exactly one month later, Alex woke up to the sound of his name being called.
“Alex! Wake Up! I have good news and I have bad news!” cried the ghost of Benny to his friend. “The good news is that woodworking is everywhere in Heaven! No matter where you go, there’s an open shop. They always have the latest tools, everything always cuts perfectly, joints practically join themselves! It’s paradise up there!”
“That IS good news,” Alex said. “But what’s the bad news?”
“You’re scheduled to give a demonstration on dovetails tomorrow at 2:30.”
And here’s a couple of groaners:
A carpenter ant walks into a bar and asks, “Hey, where’s the bartender?”
“Did you hear about the woodworker who died when he fell into a vat of varnish? It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.
Observing ‘The Baby’ one night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said.
“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.”
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